Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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