I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
