there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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