My nipple is on Facebook.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
