It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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