ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
as a side note pls kill me
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
