trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
