we have pet lesbian snakes
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
sick fucks of a feather flock together
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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