i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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