Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize