My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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