He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize