She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
