K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
