Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
