i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
