Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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