Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize