so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
tell me about the fingering
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
