I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I think my fart just growled at me.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
