There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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