We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
he fucked my hip out of place.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
