I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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