OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
