My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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