Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
