I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
