She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
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