Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
