I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
