omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize