I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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