I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Randomize
