Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
