Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
