i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
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