I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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