pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Betty ford says i'm here all night
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
