sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
