You work out of a Hotel?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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