is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
