He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
