Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
