Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
