I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
