Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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