I smell stomach acid.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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