I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Come share oat with me in your robe
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
