Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
