She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
