Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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