I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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