Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
