I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
