umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
