Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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