Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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