But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
