Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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