I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
