Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
