APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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