That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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