I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
