Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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