i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
