why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Randomize
